AUTISM
Black and White
-Loren John Presley-
What is Autism?
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I think everybody has a little something different to say about autism. One thing is very clear though: Autism is different for everybody. What makes it so unique among many other conditions or disorders is that it seems to come in finitely different forms for every individual who has it. It is a very broad and continuous spectrum. There is not one kind of Autism.
Medically speaking, Autism is a condition of the brain that appears in young childhood. It's cause is unknown at the time of this writing, but it is characterized broadly by its ability disorientate the senses. What this means is a child may have a difficult times with certain sights (such as certain colors), sounds (such as the buzzing of florescent lights), tastes and textures (such as certain foods or how the way clothes feel), etcetera, etcetera. Another primary characteristic of Autism is that a child might have a tendency to be withdrawn inward. A child may have difficulty interacting with other people, or speak very little, or maybe be non-verbal. There are many other factors that play a roll in what Autism is and how it effects children, their families, and their friends.
But I won't go into much more detail. Instead of trying to tell you what autism is scientifically, I'm going to try to tell you what is feels like to have autism...
What my early childhood was like
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I'm in the high functioning realm of the autistic spectrum. Specifically, I have Asperger syndrome, a mild form of autism. Even with a diagnosis as specific as Asperger syndrome, keep in mind that even then every case can be very different.
Before I started speaking as a child, I would make up words for things I didn't know what to call. For example, I called a light switch a "dat" and I called lotion "shodda." I've heard of some other children with autism who have made up words or sounds to associate with objects as well. My mother often had a difficult time getting me to hug her, because I always seemed interested in everything else around me.
One of the big challenges I faced as an "aspie" was knowing cognitive and social skills. This applies to a very broad range of those on the autistic spectrum. By that, I mean we simply aren't born knowing social skills that would otherwise seem innate to non-autistics. For instance, I used to have a challenging time understanding important social cues, such as certain body language or facial expressions. I could not decode the expressions and inferences of my fellow human beings, and for those who didn't know I had autism, I seemed rude. I had a hard time paying attention to others because I was so absorbed in my own inner world - which is another broad aspect of having autism; we are drawn inward. It took a while to get my attention, and once you had my attention you never knew when I was going to interrupt and start talking about my own interests. To someone who did not understand autism, I would indeed seem rude and disrespectful, but every time I was disciplined I honestly had no idea what I had done wrong. I was often told I was being a smart alec.
Once again, my actions had nothing to do with my discipline. It was simply a matter of my brain being deprived of the development I needed to relate to others. I had to learn social skills, the same way you learn reading writing and arithmetic.
What School was like for me
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Another big challenge for me was my school environment. My teachers didn't always know what to do with me because I was very bright, however I was also an oddball. Here's a story. In kindergarten, my teacher told me one day it was my turn to mark the day on the calendar. When she gave me the pen and I rose sitting on the floor, I discovered that I did not know what to do. "What's a calendar?" I asked. The children laughed at me. My teacher was not pleased. We were already a couple months into the school year and all this time I had been absorbed in my inner world. I had never seen any of the other children get up to mark the day of the calendar, so by the time it was my turn. Many of my schoolmates could see I was an oddball, and many of them shunned me. I was often asked "what planet I was from."
However, I must also note that because I lacked social and cognitive skills I couldn't even tell they were making fun of me! I distinctly remember sitting at a lunch table with older kids, who saw me repeating lines from a movie word for word and getting into character (by the way, this is a common another common trait of autism - echoing lines and phrases). The kids asked me to do it again, and I would. They laughed at me and gathered there comrades to ask me to perform again. And I would (I had no cognitive idea that I was being made a fool of. I thought they were laughing with me)!
However, I was lucky to have my share of friends. I've heard of many children with autism who go to school and everybody hates them! Throughout my school career, I always had at least good or two good friends who accepted me no matter what. They supported me in my rough times. They supported me no matter how "weird" I was. I think I owe a great deal of my self esteem to them...
I also had some good teachers in my school year. For instance, my second grade teacher seemed to know how to handle me when it came to my learning. When we were learning subtraction together, he worked with me one on one. "Loren, if I have five apples and I take away three apples, how many apples do I have left?" I would reply. "I don't understand that?" and every time I tried to work the problem, I goofed up. Now, my teacher knew that one of my obsessive interests was human anatomy (those with Asperger syndrome had become obsessed with learning about one topic, like dinosaurs, ants, astronomy...etc). So, my teacher rephrased the question and asked me, "Loren, if I had five red blood cells and I take away three, how many do I have left?" Click! I was suddenly able to grasp the problem more firmly!
But once again, I was lucky. My teachers were gracious toward me, and they didn't even know I had autism (no one actually did until I was in high school). I've heard of many teachers who have acted unprofessionally with other children who have autism. I've heard of some children who were even expelled from school because of their condition, all because the teachers seemed to think they were perfectly "normal," just rude, out of conduct, and unable to be dealt with. Once again, I owe a great deal of my development to good teachers...
School can be very rough for many young people with autism! That's why I say it's good to make sure a child with autism always has at least one good friend, and that the teachers and school staff understand clearly what autism is.
How autism affects me today
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Today, I've come to see my autism as an influence that has helped shape my unique perspective of the world. I'm able to think uniquely, and I have the privilege to relate to others with autism and many other mental, physical, or emotional conditions. I wouldn't change my autism even if I could.
However, I must keep in mind that while autism plays a roll in my identity, it takes many other forms on many other children and families.
I've heard of cases in which some children with autism are so severe on the spectrum that they live in an overwhelming vacuum. They cannot speak, they don't know how to express or communicate their emotions, and they may unleash their anguish from these difficulties through tantrums. They will not make eye contact, and they will not respond when spoken to. If touched, they may not be able to take the sensitivity and pull back. And their loving families do not know what to do! Items such as learning to speak, learning to hug, toilet training, and many other aspects of life and learning become daunting. Dreams that families had for these children seem crushed, and now they must learn to accept their unique, but suffering child, in a different manner.
To these families, you have my total support for a cure.
I've heard of some members on the higher-function end of the autistic spectrum who seem to think that autism is in no way a form of a disability. They seem to take great pride in their autism, and do not believe that there should ever be a cure. They cannot come to grasp with the notion that autism is a broad spectrum of goods and bads alike, and the median is always shifted toward one way or the other. They see autism as black and white, when really it's a continuum of gray.
Many who do not have autism seem to think there's only one or a few kinds of autism as well. For instance, I was at the store last summer and told one of the clerks that I had autism. He looked surprised and said, "I never would have guessed that." Many family members also refuse to believe that they have a child in the family who had autism - especially if the child is on the high-functioning end. They seem to think that if their family member "had anything" that they would be leaning back in a chair with one arm across their chest and just sitting there like that. Certainly not always the case...
But there is hope! Hope always endures!
I've met and heard of people with autism who grow up to do fantastic things when given the right intervention and support they need. One of my close friends was diagnosed with severe autism, but because her mother studied autism and intervened, she can communicate to others very well. I've heard of people on the autistic spectrum who grow up to have extraordinary professions: like chemical engineers, great artists, scientists, musicians...we can do anything with the right love and intervention! Even when a child has extreme difficulty reaching out to his or her fellow human beings because of the boundaries of deep, severe autism, there's always hope that with the right intervention, that child can be well off and be able to survive in this world.
We also need to push for awareness of what autism is, and how we can intervene in the midst of its cases. The best way to do this is to read, observe, teach, and love! Autism is still a disorder vastly uncharted, but if we utilize our thinking minds and our feeling hearts, there are no feats we cannot do!
For more information on Autism, visit the Autism Society of America at:
http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer
Or check out a few books with the Autism Aspergers Publishing Company:
There's also a great book out there called Journeys With Dianne. For more information, visit:
http://hopeforautism.blog.com/